Listening to the Quiet Voices of Your Emotions

Listening to the Quiet Voices of Your Emotions

Ugh! We’ve all been there. A friend bails on plans for the third time in a row, and suddenly you’re seeing red.

You're angry!

But are you?

Anger is an all-consuming feeling, the diva of emotions grabbing the mic and demanding everyone’s attention. But I bet if you pause and dig a little deeper, you might find something surprising—anger is often a cover act for a whole lineup of quieter, more vulnerable feelings: embarrassment, confusion, or hurt. These emotions don’t stomp around demanding to be noticed, but they deserve the spotlight just as much.

The Showdown Between Big and Small Emotions

Big emotions like anger, sadness, or frustration love to take center stage. They’re loud, dramatic, and impossible to ignore. But they’re not always the star of the show. Often, they’re just bodyguards, puffing up to protect you from the subtler, more vulnerable emotions lurking behind them.

Why? Because the quieter feelings, like disappointment, embarrassment, or rejection, are harder to face. They make us feel exposed. It’s almost like anger steps in, shouting, “Hey, look at me instead!” But ignoring those smaller emotions doesn’t make them go away. They just sit there, waiting for you to notice, and sometimes making things messier in the meantime.

Why Acknowledging the Small Emotions Matters

Giving space to those subtler feelings isn’t about overthinking or making things worse. It’s about getting real with yourself. When you name and acknowledge the full spectrum of what you’re feeling, a few things happen:

• You Process and Heal: Those smaller emotions—like embarrassment or confusion—may sting, but addressing them head-on helps you tackle the root cause instead of getting stuck in the protective layer of anger.

  
  

• You Respond Instead of React: Understanding what’s really going on makes it easier to react in a way that feels authentic. Instead of blowing up, you might calmly express your disappointment or ask for clarification.

  
  

• You Practice Self-Compassion: Recognizing and validating even the messy, uncomfortable feelings is an act of kindness to yourself. Every emotion has a purpose, even if it’s inconvenient.

  
  

• You Strengthen Communication: Once you get honest with yourself about your emotions, it becomes easier to have those difficult conversations with others. Instead of snapping in anger, you can share your true feelings, which deepens trust and connection.

A Practical Approach to Sitting With Your Emotions:

1️⃣ Pause and Observe: When a big emotion crashes in, take a beat. Ask yourself, “What else am I feeling?” You might be surprised at the mix of emotions waiting in the wings.

2️⃣ Write It Down: Journaling is like emotional detective work. Start with the obvious big feeling, then dig deeper. What’s under the anger? Maybe it’s hurt from feeling let down or embarrassment over being ignored.

3️⃣ Embrace the Layers: Sometimes, naming one emotion (like embarrassment) unlocks another (like frustration about being embarrassed). It’s like peeling an onion—layer by layer, with some tears along the way.

4️⃣ Reframe the Narrative: After sitting with your feelings, try to reframe the story. Instead of saying, “I’m so mad they ditched me again,” you might say, “I feel hurt because I value their time and friendship.”

The Courage to Feel It All

Let’s be real—acknowledging the quieter emotions takes guts. It means getting honest with yourself and sitting in the discomfort. But here’s the payoff: clarity, emotional freedom, and deeper connections. By tuning into all your feelings—big and small—you build resilience and move through life with more confidence.

And here’s the kicker: once you can recognize and honor those quieter emotions, it becomes easier to have those tough conversations with the people you care about. Instead of lashing out, you can express yourself in a way that fosters understanding and growth.

The next time a big emotion storms in, give it some space—but don’t stop there. Listen for the whispers of those quieter feelings underneath. They might just have the answers you’ve been searching for.

With love, and a little courage—La Fille d'Ennui 💛