Freeze Mode: How to Shift, Soften, and Start Again
- lafilledennui
- Mar 20
- 4 min read
Friends, I'll admit it, which is so hard to do, but I’ve been stuck. For weeks.
I know I need to get my act together, I know I have things to do—not just for myself, but for my clients and you guys, I know it all. I've not been doing much, though. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking but not writing, then a lot of writing but not posting. Then there's the guilt, the judgment, the self-accountability tossed straight into the trash.
Feeling stuck is a completely normal experience. It happens to everyone, but when we’re in it, our brains can be absolute jerks about making us feel like it’s just us, like we’re failing in some way. But if you look closely, you’re probably still doing more than you think—you’re just dismissing it because it doesn’t look like what you think it “should.”
The Psychology of Freeze Mode
When we think of stress responses, we often talk about fight or flight, but there’s another response that tends to get overlooked: freeze. This happens when our brain perceives a challenge as too overwhelming to fight or run from, so instead, we shut down. This isn’t laziness or lack of discipline—it’s a deeply ingrained survival mechanism.
Freeze mode can show up as:
Procrastination that feels insurmountable
Overanalyzing but not taking action
Avoiding emails, messages, or responsibilities
Feeling like you should be doing something but not knowing where to start
This response is designed to protect us from perceived threats, but in modern life, it often backfires—especially when it leads to a cycle of avoidance and guilt.
Shifting the Mindset: From "Should" to "Can"
One of the most damaging words when you're stuck? Should.
I should be more productive.
I should have figured this out by now.
I should be able to push through this.
"Should" comes with weighty expectations and judgment, reinforcing the feeling of failure. Instead, try shifting the question: What can I do right now?
Can I take five minutes to brainstorm ideas?
Can I respond to just one message?
Can I step outside for a breath of fresh air to reset my mind?
Small actions create momentum, and recognizing what you can do versus what you should be doing helps ease the pressure and break the cycle of inaction.
The Avoidance Cycle: Why Out of Sight Isn’t Out of Mind
For me, overwhelm often leads to avoidance. If I don’t log in, I don’t have to see the things piling up. Out of sight, out of mind—except not really. Because the weight of it still sits in my head, getting heavier the longer I leave it. Avoidance doesn’t make stress go away; it magnifies it. The longer we put things off, the bigger they feel.
So how do we stop this from becoming a runaway train? By recognizing that any step forward is still a step. Even if it feels like just going through the motions, those motions matter.
Actionable Steps to Get Unstuck
Acknowledge What You Have Done – If all you did today was answer one email, that’s still movement. If you got out of bed, made a meal, or checked in with a friend, those are wins.
Break It Down – Instead of thinking, “I need to get my life together,” pick one tiny, manageable thing. I’ll reply to one message. I’ll make a to-do list, but just five items. I’ll post one thing, even if it’s not perfect.
Lower the Bar (Seriously, It’s Okay) – If the goal is overwhelming, shrink it. If you can’t do 30 minutes of something, do five. If you can’t go all in, dip your toes. Less pressure = more ease.
Give Yourself Permission to Pause, Not Quit – Sometimes we do need rest. But resting isn’t the same as giving up. Remind yourself: I am allowed to take a breather. I am also allowed to start again when I’m ready.
Find a Gentle Reentry Point – If you’ve been avoiding something, ease back in with the smallest, least intimidating step. Read through the unread messages without replying yet. Open the document without editing anything. Just start.
Recognizing the Wins (Even the Small Ones)
When you’re in freeze mode, even going through the motions feels like you’re not doing enough. But let’s reframe that.
Have you:
Answered a single email or text?
Opened your laptop, even if you didn’t get much done?
Thought about what you want to do, even if you haven’t taken action yet?
These all count. Seriously. Motivation isn’t a switch that flips—it’s something you build. Each tiny step counts, and giving yourself credit for any movement forward is crucial to regaining momentum.
Self-Compassion as a Productivity Tool
The last thing you need when you’re stuck is your own internal critic beating you up. Positive psychology teaches us that self-compassion—offering yourself the same kindness you’d give a friend—actually helps build resilience and problem-solving ability.
Try this:
Talk to yourself like you would a best friend: “You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.”
Recognize that stuck moments are part of life, not a reflection of your worth.
Reframe setbacks as learning moments rather than failures.
Taking the First Step (Again)
Progress isn’t linear. We all get stuck. We all freeze. And we all need to take that first step—sometimes more than once. The key is not to judge yourself for it but to use it as an opportunity to learn about your limits, your needs, and your capacity for growth.
So, if you’ve been feeling stuck, this is your reminder: You’re not failing. You’re just in a temporary pause. And when you're ready to take that next step—however small—I hope you remind yourself that every bit of movement forward is still progress.
Be patient. Be kind to yourself. You’ve got this.
Always with love,
~ La Fille d'Ennui
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