Toxic Positivity: It’s Okay Not to Be Okay During the Holidays

I Am So Tired of “Good Vibes Only”—Especially During the Holiday Season

Whether you celebrate or not, the holidays are sold to us as the most wonderful time of the year (did you sing along with me when you read that?). Twinkling lights, festive parties, decorations, sparkly baubles, joyful laughter… I especially love the food and treats (and drinks, if I’m honest—shh) that scream “Christmastime.”

But let’s be real: the holidays can also be overwhelming, stressful, and lonely as hell. And when you’re not feeling all that seasonal cheer, the pressure to “stay positive” can make everything worse.

Here’s where toxic positivity (cue audible eyeroll) kicks in—the expectation to keep smiling and suppress anything that isn’t sparkly or cheerful.

Toxic Positivity is Hard for Me Too

This topic hits close to home for me. My coaching practice leans heavily on positive psychology—focusing on strengths, resilience, and growth. I believe in the power of optimism and finding meaning even during tough times. But that doesn’t mean I think you should slap a smile on when you’re hurting.

When positive psychology is misunderstood or misapplied, it can become toxic positivity: the relentless push to “just stay positive,” even when your reality is messy and hard.

So trust me when I say: I get it. I’ve struggled to balance authentic emotion with a positive mindset. And I know firsthand how suffocating it feels when “good vibes only” becomes a demand instead of a choice.

What is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the belief that you should always stay upbeat and avoid expressing negative emotions, no matter what. Phrases like:

• “Look on the bright side!”

• “Good vibes only!”

• “Others have it worse.”

• “Fake it till you make it!”

• “Every cloud has a silver lining.”

These well-intentioned statements can sting, making it seem like your real feelings are wrong or unacceptable.

Why Toxic Positivity is Harmful

Suppressing your true feelings doesn’t make them disappear. It just creates a pressure cooker of bottled-up stress. It messes with you by:

• Invalidating Your Experience: Being told to “just be positive” implies your genuine struggles don’t matter.

• Leading to Burnout: Pretending to be okay all the time? Exhausting.

• Creating Isolation: When you should feel happy but don’t, shame can make you pull away from others.

And yes, I’m still learning this lesson too.

This Holiday Season, Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Instead of forcing positivity, try embracing your whole self—the joyful and the messy parts.

• Acknowledge Your Emotions: Whether it’s joy, stress, grief, or exhaustion—every feeling is valid. Try, “I feel [emotion], and that’s okay.”

• Share Honestly: Open up to someone you trust. Saying it out loud can be incredibly freeing.

• Practice Self-Compassion: You don’t have to “fix” yourself to deserve joy or peace. Be kind to yourself.

You Don’t Have to Pretend Everything is Perfect

The holidays are complicated. Mixed emotions are normal. You’re not failing the season if you’re not all smiles. You’re just being human.

Give yourself grace. Drop the pressure to perform happiness, and embrace the beautiful, messy truth of your feelings.

Reminder:

This season, honour your truth. Whether you’re joyful, anxious, or completely exhausted—your feelings matter. 💛